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Success often looks like a clear path when we are younger. Many women grow up with the same definition of what a successful life should look like. Study hard. Build a stable career. Climb the corporate ladder. Find the right partner. Create a life that checks all the expected boxes.
For a while, that formula can feel reassuring. It gives direction and a sense of progress. But for many women there comes a point when that path stops feeling right. The milestones may be there, yet something still feels off. The career may look impressive on paper, but the deeper sense of fulfillment is missing…
This is the moment many women quietly experience but rarely talk about. The moment when the life you built no longer reflects the person you are becoming.
In this episode of She is a Leader, Yvonne Heimann sits down with life coach and executive consultant Zerina Derveni to explore exactly that turning point. Zerina’s work focuses on helping high achieving women move beyond survival mode and reconnect with their values, priorities, and purpose.
During their conversation, Yvonne Heimann and Zerina Derveni explore what it actually looks like to pause, question the life you have built, and realign it with what truly matters. Their discussion moves beyond surface level motivation and dives into the deeper patterns that shape how women approach work, relationships, and personal growth.
If you have ever felt stuck in a life that looks successful from the outside but feels disconnected on the inside, the insights from Zerina Derveni in this conversation may help you see your situation in a new light.
When Success Stops Making Sense
As Zerina Derveni explains in the episode, becoming a life coach was not always part of her plan.
Like many millennials, Zerina believed success meant building a strong corporate career. She focused on education, professional advancement, and building credibility within large organizations. Creative ambitions and entrepreneurial interests existed, but they were pushed aside in favor of stability and professional growth.
Then something shifted.
During the pandemic, Zerina Derveni began to feel an internal tension she could no longer ignore. The voice that had once been quiet became louder. Questions started to surface about her environment, her choices, and the direction of her life.
This moment is what she describes as the awakening phase.
The awakening phase begins when you realize you are no longer fully connected to the life you are living. It often shows up as a vague feeling that something is misaligned. Life may still be functioning on the outside, yet internally there is a sense that you are operating on autopilot.
According to Zerina, recognizing this moment is an essential first step in self discovery. It requires honesty and the willingness to admit that the path you have been following may no longer reflect your true priorities.
Reality Vs the Theory of Success
One of the most powerful ideas Zerina Derveni discusses is the difference between theory and reality.
Many people are following a theory of what life should look like. This theory often includes specific milestones. Career achievements. Relationship timelines. Financial expectations. Social comparisons.
These ideas shape our decisions from a young age.
However, as Zerina explains, life rarely unfolds according to that theoretical structure. Real life is shaped by experience, personal growth, and evolving priorities.
Yvonne Heimann reflects on how easy it is to spend years chasing an imagined version of success. The white picket fence. The perfect job. The life that looks ideal from the outside.
The challenge begins when reality no longer fits that model.
At that point, Zerina encourages women to begin questioning the narratives they have been following. Which expectations are truly yours? Which ones were inherited from family, culture, or society?
Transformation often begins with that simple question.
Unlearning and Facing Fear During Personal Growth
Once the awakening begins, the next stage described by Zerina Derveni is unlearning.
Unlearning is often the most uncomfortable part of personal growth. Old habits, beliefs, and coping mechanisms start to surface. Fear becomes more noticeable. Self sabotage patterns may appear.
This stage can feel messy and uncertain.
Zerina explains that fear is a natural response to change. The brain interprets unfamiliar situations as potential threats, even when those changes are positive.
Understanding fear is therefore essential.
She encourages people to examine their fear responses more closely by asking a few simple questions.
- What does the fear feel like in your body?
- Is it emotional, psychological, or physical?
- When did you first experience this reaction?
These reflections allow people to understand their behavior rather than simply reacting to it.
Zerina Derveni also emphasizes the importance of small changes. Many people try to transform their entire lives at once. That approach often leads to overwhelm and discouragement.
Instead, she recommends focusing on one or two habits at a time. Small adjustments create sustainable progress and allow confidence to grow gradually.
Patterns Women Experience in Work and Relationships
Through her coaching work, Zerina Derveni has noticed consistent patterns among the women she works with.
Many clients fall into one of two categories.
The first group includes women who are highly successful professionally but struggle in their personal relationships or emotional life.
The second group includes women who feel fulfilled in their relationships but struggle with confidence or direction in their careers.
In both cases, Zerina observes a common dynamic. When women feel insecure in a particular area of life, they often enter survival mode.
Survival mode can include anxiety, overthinking, emotional intensity, or attempts to control outcomes. These reactions often stem from early life experiences and learned behaviors.
She explains that childhood influences, including the relationship with a parent, can shape how people handle emotional needs and communication. It is not always about trauma. Often it is about what was never modeled or discussed.
Understanding these patterns helps women step out of automatic responses and begin building healthier ways of relating to both work and relationships.
Boundaries and Priorities for Women Rebuilding Their Lives
Boundaries are frequently discussed in personal development conversations, but Zerina Derveni approaches them in a very practical way.
Rather than encouraging a long list of rules, Zerina recommends focusing on three non negotiable boundaries.
These three boundaries should reflect the values and priorities that matter most in your life.
Keeping the number small allows people to remain flexible while still protecting what is important. Too many rigid rules can make life feel restrictive rather than supportive.
In addition to boundaries, Zerina Derveni encourages women to rethink how they approach daily productivity.
Many women are extremely skilled at managing tasks, especially tasks related to supporting other people. However, she points out that tasks are not the same as priorities.
Priorities reflect the long term direction of your life. They are connected to your values and goals.
Zerina encourages women to identify two or three true priorities and make sure their daily actions align with them. This shift from task management to priority driven living can create a powerful sense of clarity.
The First Step for Women Who Feel Stuck
When people feel stuck, the instinct is often to search for answers externally.
Books, podcasts, courses, and advice can all be helpful. However, Zerina Derveni believes the first step toward clarity often begins internally.
For women who feel stuck in one specific area of life, Zerina recommends journaling. Writing down experiences, thoughts, and emotions can reveal patterns and insights that may not appear through thinking alone.
For those who feel overwhelmed across multiple areas of life, she encourages a different approach.
Stillness.
Taking time to pause and observe what is happening in different aspects of life allows people to identify where the real tension exists.
Zerina also reminds listeners that these periods of uncertainty are normal. Most women will go through several major periods of reinvention throughout their lives.
Rather than viewing these transitions as failures, she suggests seeing them as natural phases of growth.
Each phase builds emotional awareness and resilience.
Learning from Zerina About Leadership and Alignment
The conversation between Yvonne Heimann and Zerina Derveni highlights an important truth about leadership.
Leadership is not only about professional achievement. It is about clarity, self awareness, and alignment with your values.
The journey from survival mode to intentional living rarely happens in a straight line. It involves questioning long held beliefs, understanding emotional patterns, and making choices that reflect who you truly are.
Through her work and personal story, Zerina shows that redefining success is not a step backward. It is often the beginning of a more meaningful and authentic life.
For women who are ready to explore that shift, the insights from Zerina offer both reassurance and practical direction.
And sometimes, the most important step forward begins with a simple realization.
The life you want is allowed to look different from the one you were taught to pursue.
Meet Zerina Derveni
Website: https://www.zerinalifecoach.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zerinalifecoach/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/zerina-derveni-64687386/
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📄 Video Transcription:
Yvonne Heimann [00:00:00]:
Welcome to She is a Leader, the podcast for women who know there is more to success than just ticking boxes and chasing the next milestone. If you ever wondered what you would feel like and what it would feel like, what life would feel like, um, when you just lead your life and your business with true intention, today’s episode is for you. Our guest, Zerina Derveni, is a life coach with a rich background in executive consulting for Fortune 500 100 brands. But what stands out most in her philosophy is leadership isn’t about control. It is about clarity, alignment, and building from your values. Ze helps high-performing women move from feeling stuck or curious about what’s next to embracing their inner strength and creating meaningful transformation. In our conversation today, Zerina shares her approach to self-discovery, the and mindset shifts that anchor her and the systems she believes support lasting change. If you’re ready for a fresh perspective on growth and fulfillment, keep a listening.
Yvonne Heimann [00:01:23]:
And with that, I wanna invite everybody, come listen to, hmm, two ladies that have a little bit of a combined past history without having crossed paths before. I love how my episode seems to be bringing women in my circles that have similar experience yet also different. Um, Ze tell my audience, how did you get here? Did little Ze ever think she’s going to be where she is today? And did you think you were going to be a life coach? How did you get here?
Zerina Derveni [00:02:01]:
Yeah, I know, it’s, it’s, it’s a great question. So little Ze did not think she was going to be a life coach. I think like most millennials, at least for me, we thought success was climbing that corporate ladder, you know, it’s going to school, getting a really good office job, and then growing from there and being grateful to be able to grow from there. So I think there was always this entrepreneur creative side to me that I would just, you know, kind of shut down because the reality of my life was to continue um, climbing that corporate ladder and being successful for the companies that I was working with. But then, you know, about during COVID time, so let’s say 5, 6 years ago, there was this internal shift that started happening. And the difference at that time was it was getting louder versus in my younger years I was able to quiet it down, I was able to suppress it like most of us, right? We, we become masters at that. But there became a stage in my life where I just couldn’t do it anymore, and then I started to question my environment, my choices, and went through my own personal development journey, spoke to coaches, saw some really, you know, like, well-known coaches, and started to get into that coaching mindset. And then I realized, Yvi, that I was always a coach because I was always that person who my friends, my family, my colleagues would come to.
So I think you know, I always say coaching found me, but deep, deep down, I think I was always a coach. And then here I am now pursuing my strength and, and now my found passion in life, which is, which is so exciting.
Yvonne Heimann [00:03:46]:
How, how did you begin that, that process of rediscovering yourself and really, yeah, redefining what success means for you? Because it’s like, I think there’s a lot of us um, that are in that box of this is how life is supposed to look like. This is, yeah, I’m like, heck, I was stuck long enough in the hole. I should have a job, white picket fence, a dog, and a husband. Life definitely looks way different nowadays. Um, what was that, that journey and that process of rediscovering yourself and really redefining what success is for you?
Zerina Derveni [00:04:27]:
I think like most people, we get stuck in this theory of what life is supposed to look like, right? And I think there is this natural comparison that happens, but there is this theory that we think is reality. When you actually look at the life and the human experience journey, that’s not reality. Reality is actually experience, and experience is different for everyone, right? At the end of the day, I do believe this: I don’t think we do um, what we really don’t want to do. So we’re stuck in situations, yes, longer than we need to be, but ultimately we’re making our decisions. So for me, you know, having experienced what I had experienced personally as a woman, I later found out that I was sticking to this theory of what life should be like, what I should be doing, you know, based on my age, based on my, um, success, based on my financial success. There was just all these you know, ideas of theories in my head, when in reality, reality was different. Things don’t necessarily all happen at once when you want to. So I think for me, I was going through my own self-discovery journey.
Zerina Derveni [00:05:38]:
It’s why I became a coach. It’s why I actually teach women the whole self-discovery framework. And it starts with this awakening phase. And the awakening phase is that, you know, um, It’s that situation where you’re like, okay, something feels off. I no longer want to live in autopilot, right? I no longer feel connected or aligned or just fulfilled. I don’t like to use the words happy and all that because I think feelings are fleeing. Bring it back to purpose. Like, you just feel like something is disconnected.
So that awakening phase, that’s when you need to really go deeper and to the next phase, which is the most messiest, scariest, this is where all fear and our, our self-sabotaging behaviors come out, it’s the unlearning. It’s, it’s giving yourself the opportunity to have an upgrade with yourself, with your life. Life could mean personal and professional, they’re interconnected. But really, it’s unlearning, and it’s diving into our subconscious mind which stores 95% of our habits, our behaviors, our emotions. So that’s really where the work happens and the magic happens.
Yvonne Heimann [00:06:55]:
How do you, how do you move through and work through those fears and doubts that come on that? Because with my experience, we are completely reprogramming, we are completely, we are diving into a life that is completely unknown. And to our brain, unknown is going to kill me. Not true, let’s be honest, we all know that by now. Um, so with that, there’s a lot of fears, there’s a lot of doubts that are coming up because everything we believe to be true in the past, we are now questioning. How, how can somebody, how can my audience work through those fears and doubts when they are coming up?
Zerina Derveni [00:07:40]:
First, it’s understanding, you know, what fear looks like for you. Right? Is it psychological? Is it emotional? Is it physical? So let’s actually understand the symptoms. Let’s then understand why it’s coming up. Like, think of the first time when you were even younger, why you had fear. And fear, by the way, is a very, very common feeling, and it’s a very common, um, reaction to change. It’s a real, it’s a normal reaction to uncertainty. So understanding, you know, your, your habits and your behaviors and when fear is coming up, only then can we move forward and look at implementing small changes or small habits. And like I tell all my clients, if you really want change, know that that’s not going to be linear.
So you’re not going to just be like, “Okay, I’m gonna change this,” and life is going to be in a linear, um, wouldn’t that be nice for you?
Yvonne Heimann [00:08:37]:
No, if everything in life would happen linear, oh my God, would that be nice sometimes.
Zerina Derveni [00:08:44]:
That would be beautiful, but again, going back to the human experience, that is not how life works. So it’s understanding, okay, what do I need to change? What do I need to shift? I’m really big as a life coach focusing on one or two things. I think if we try and do too much, we overcomplicate it and we set ourselves up for failure. So what are one or two things that we can do to change? Let’s start with small habits. But again, I find as humans we’ve become way more intelligent mentally, but physically, you know, knowing more sometimes can prevent us from doing more, right? Because we’re just constantly thinking. Um, so I find understanding why we feel fear, from there getting clarity, from there implementing change, then that really is, is a different experience. And it won’t, you know, fear will come up, but it won’t allow fear to prevent you from making any progress.
Yvonne Heimann [00:09:39]:
And I think it also, part of that journey also is understanding that emotion now suddenly also takes the power away from it, where it’s like, oh cool, came up again, I get it, I know where this is coming from. And to me, just even alone, that knowledge on its own is is an empowerment, is a, I’m not just reacting to it. It’s not just like a tiger is yelling at me and I’m running. No, I know specifically what is happening. What is the story behind it? Where is it coming from? And now I have the knowledge to see it and to make a decision based on it. And I think one, one of the biggest things that has helped me too is I’m, I’m a physical fear person. And one of my biggest realizations was that fear and excitement feels the exact same way in my body. I am the one that gives us the meaning.
Yvonne Heimann [00:10:45]:
Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel fear anymore, don’t get me wrong, but it just was an additional layer of being able to not just be reactive in the moment, but be able to just say, okay, I’m just stepping away from this, this doesn’t align. I take a breather, I take a time, or whatever it is in the moment, and just have that power and that understanding of, “Oh, my animal brain is going crazy again. We know where the story is coming from. I’m, I’m gonna go walk,” or whatever the decision is in that moment to step out of that pattern. Now, mentioning patterns, looking back at your journey, looking back at your client’s journey, Um, when doing that upleveling and when going through our journey of reshaping our reality and what we want our life to look like, do you see standard patterns for women? Do you, do you see journeys and stories that seem to be coming up that are similar where our journey as women through this, our, our stories, our habits, our patterns are similar? Do you see things where it’s like, oh yeah, here’s a pattern again that, that seems to be for us women, that seems to be coming back up again?
Zerina Derveni [00:12:18]:
Absolutely. So, you know, I mainly just coach women, and the reason why I only coach women is because I am so fascinated by the way that we are, the way that we think, the way that we behave. So exactly what you’re asking me is basically the clients I work with, there’s two different sets of clients. We all have our own journey, but two sets of clients. One, I’ve got the very, like, successful, professionally doing extremely well, and then they’re struggling with their emotion side or relationships, personal relationships. So there seems to be this detachment that they do really well at work but doesn’t work so well in their personal relationships or understanding their own emotions. And then I have the other side of, of the clients where their relationships are great, you never hear them complaining about, you know, their partner, everything is great, they’re able to assess their emotions, but professionally they struggle a lot. There is this fear there and they’re, you know, not able to detach from their work life, so it’s keeping them up late at night.
Zerina Derveni [00:13:24]:
So I’ve got two different sets of clients that I typically work with, and the one pattern that I’ve noticed is the area they’re struggling with, women tap into their survival mode. So the one thing that they learned growing up, and, and, you know, I’m still gathering details here, so I don’t want to say that this is a certain thing, but there is this dynamic, the relationship with their mother as well impacts certain areas of their life that they’re struggling with, and the relationship with their mother, that doesn’t necessarily mean it was, um, not good or serious or trauma, like we don’t go into therapy. It’s more that, that nurturing side, that being able to communicate their needs was not taught when they were really young in the specific areas that they’re struggling with. So I don’t know if that makes sense because it’s, it’s a lot of information there, but usually those are the two different sets of clients. That I work with, and, um, the big picture here is I see that the areas they’re doing really well at, they’re able to emotionally detach, they’re able to be more emotionally regulated, and then the areas that they’re struggling with, there is this fear, anxiety, performative, um, um, uh, uh, overstimulated state that they’re in that I come in and help them with.
Yvonne Heimann [00:14:40]:
Yeah, um, interesting. Again, bringing connection back to my, my own growth journey and everything, uh, When, when working with my coach and working through my stuff, I think one visual he had brought up is the little child. We are falling back into our little child state of, there’s just a lot of emotions, there is, there is a lot of perception and just wanting to feel safe and just not feeling safe in that moment. And I think for me, just thinking of little Evie and what she wanted and what she needed has helped me, um, get to a point of, yeah, understanding the emotions in that moment where it’s like, where I can’t emotionally regulate, where I become the little child throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store. Don’t get me wrong, still had that this morning because life just didn’t want to do what I wanted it to do, and I had my one of those moments where I’m like, oh yeah, little Yvi is having a temper tantrum right now. You know what, little Yvi gets to take 5 minutes and just scream into a pillow and just feel the emotions and we’ll take it from there. And it’s, it’s interesting that I, seeing the correlation, right? Seeing just like with you where it’s like, okay, in those where we struggle, we are really closely emotionally involved and can’t really step out or step back and, and regulate accordingly. And bringing it back, I think we always bring things back to our childhood. Now, when, when working through this rebuilding, and no matter if it’s business or life, um, do you have, or do you recommend, certain boundaries or non-negotiables for women when, when we rebuild, when we are figuring out what this is supposed to look like, what this is supposed to feel like, all the things.
Yvonne Heimann [00:16:53]:
Do you have common boundaries or non-negotiables that you recommend in that journey us to pay attention to? Because I’m assuming I’m not the only one. We always were told we are supposed to take care of everybody else, and now suddenly in this journey it’s taking care of ourselves, whatever that looks like. And to me, that means boundaries and non-negotiables. What does it mean for you?
Zerina Derveni [00:17:19]:
Yeah, um, I am a fan of boundaries, although I am also a fan of having a limited amount of boundaries. Um, stick to 3 very important ones that are non-negotiable for you versus you having a full list. And I just find when you become too fixed in life, it’s really hard to reach fulfillment and joy. I think having 3 that are non-negotiable keeps you more consistent and allows you to look for more, you know, like-minded, whether it’s a community or space. So big fan of boundaries, but keep it to top 3. And then I’m also a big fan as a, as a life coach of values. Now I’ve worked with great men throughout my whole corporate experience, and the one thing I always saw men do really well is men are good at prioritizing their priorities, whereas women, we’re good at prioritizing our tasks or everybody else, which is our tasks, right? And, and this is, you know, one of the biggest emphasis on my coaching while we’re going through the rediscovery and rebuilding is what are your top 2 to 3 priorities and make sure every day that you’re working towards that. And I want you to omit your task list, right? And, and, and that’s a big shift for women where I see them getting like anxious, fearful, but Zerina, I have to do this, I have to do this.
Zerina Derveni [00:18:52]:
I’m like, what are your priorities? What are you doing in your day that tells me that you are working on your priorities? So, big fan of priorities, and a lot of our priorities are also tied to our values, right? Which is the things that deep down really draw us. And I’m also a fan of boundaries, but please limit it to 3 because I think, you know, again, the human experience is for us to be flexible and not fixed. Um, so those are, I would probably say 2 key areas that I focus on with the rebuilding stage.
Yvonne Heimann [00:19:26]:
I love that. Now, for women listening that, like, are feeling stuck right now or feeling burnt out, what is the first small step you’d encourage them to take? If somebody is like, oh my God, yes, I get this, where do you start?
Zerina Derveni [00:19:44]:
Uh, it’s such a hard question because again, it, it really depends on where you’re at in your life. If you’re feeling lost or stuck, because of a specific area in your life, then I would suggest start journaling. And the beauty with journaling is you get clarity through experience. And if you write your experiences down, clarity actually can come to you quicker versus you thinking, researching all the theory and all the books out there. Start journaling, right? So if there is a specific area in your life you’re feeling lost or stuck, start journaling. Now, like most of my clients, if you’re feeling lost or stuck because of multiple areas in your life, I call it the awakening stage. And this is where, believe it or not, stillness is good, right? We need to understand what’s going on, your system, I call it, like your software system, just like our phones need an upgrade. So we gotta start one step at a time And the beauty about seeing a life coach or even a professional services that can deal with, um, these sorts of clients is there are 6 to 7 components of life.
Zerina Derveni [00:20:58]:
So we start looking at that and really assessing it in a professional manner of where you’re struggling and then focusing on those two and going through the journey together. And look, I have yet to meet an adult who has not been lost or stuck and women, we actually shift 4 to 7 times in our lifetime. So if you’re just going through your first one, congratulations. Like, we’re gonna go through this in our lifetime probably 4 or 7 times. So I’m really big on not fearing away from that, welcoming it, and teaching a process that can be self-led in the future because, trust me, you will go through it again. But at this time, you’ll have tools that you know, you’ll be able to handle it much more, um, in, in a much better, better way than, than you’re doing it right now from a fear perspective or, or a loss perspective.
Yvonne Heimann [00:21:50]:
Yeah, changes, usually when you go through it multiple times, changes have start happening faster, learning happens faster. You are not, we’re not starting again from zero, right? We are building up on the work we have done in the past. And with that, is there, is there like a lesson or maybe a mantra you return to when you realign with your value and your purpose? Again, it’s always a journey, right? Things are coming back around. The work is never done. I, I sometimes, I wish the work would be done at some point, but things come back around. So again, do you have a lesson or mantra that gets you back into your values and your purpose when life has been throwing life-ing at you.
Zerina Derveni [00:22:38]:
Yeah, and, and I’m sure the last year hasn’t been easy for a lot of people, right? So here’s what I’ll say, and this is the mantra that I live by, is don’t tie events that are happening in your life to your self-worth. And I think this is one of my biggest learning in my journey in life, um, is being a high achiever, having reached success we easily can tie events to our self-worth, and that can really beat us down. So it’s understanding, again, this takes subconscious work and reshaping and re-reshifting, understanding that events are events. Your self-worth is your self-worth regardless of your status, regardless of what’s going on. And really hold tight to that self-worth, because if you look at the most successful people in the world and some of the greatest books, the old school ones, that’s one thing that they teach you. It’s tied to manifestation, is have that higher vibration of yourself regardless of what’s going on. Like, like, there is a saying, Yvi, that I, that I really like will repeat when I’m going through really tough times, and it’s, you know, whether you’re religious or not, You can say, God or universe, please, even if I lose everything, don’t make me lose myself. And I think that’s so powerful, and that speaks to the value of your self-worth, because everything can be rebuilt, but losing yourself and losing your mind— no event is ever worth that, not in this lifetime.
Yvonne Heimann [00:24:14]:
And that is gorgeous. Um, as you’ve heard, Zerina’s story is a testament to the power of self-discovery, and the courage it takes to rewrite your own definition of success. If you found yourself nodding along like I have, feeling seen, or inspired to make a change, remember, you are not alone, and your next chapter is waiting. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a friend who’s ready to step into her own version of leadership. And if you’re craving more stories like Zerina’s, stories of women who dare to do things differently, stay tuned for our next episode. And as always, all of her links are down below wherever you watch, listen, or read this episode of She is a Leader. Zerina, thank you so much for joining me today, and thank you for everybody else. We’ll see you in the next episode.
