The real cost of self-sabotage with Jennifer Parker

Yvonne: Hey, hey everybody, and we are back with another episode of Boss Your Business, and today we are going across the big pond to Australia. Today, I have Jennifer Parker right here on the episode, and Jennifer, Jen, what do you prefer, actually? Do you just go by Jen or do you go by Jennifer? Yeah.

Jennifer: Call me Jen.

So much easier.

Yvonne: I think it’s so much easier. I have a couple of friends that don’t like the Jen, so it’s like, cool. So for everybody listening in, Jen is a business mindset coach and you are supporting female entrepreneurs to navigate the self-sabotage and resistance so they can become unstoppable. You are speaking my language.

You are speaking my language. Oh my God.

Self-Sabotage? We all do it

Self-sabotaging. Don’t we? Don’t we all do that? And often enough we see that we do that, but we can’t necessarily stop doing it.

Jennifer: Yeah. Everyone does it. And it’s really interesting when people say, oh no, I’ve done mindset work. It’s like it’s, it’s almost like we think we’ve done something once and we can tick it off our to-do list. It doesn’t work like that.

Yvonne: I went to the gym once. It does the job.

Jennifer: Yeah. It’s like when you brush your teeth, Yvi, and um, you’re like, I’m just gonna brush my teeth once, and I’m gonna have beautiful teeth for the rest of my life. It just doesn’t work like that. Your, you have over 60,000 thoughts per day, and most of those are negative and in business.

You were going on a huge self-discovery journey, right? And so you consciously know some of those, uh, self-doubt, you know, where you are not trusting yourself or you’re just feeling, uh, lack of confidence. You have the awareness, but behind the surface, in your subconscious programming, you are doing all of these things like busy, being busy.

Yvonne: Busy, busy shuts up the brain. I don’t have to think about when I’m just doing busy shit.

Jennifer: Yeah. Uh, it’s just how we’ve been conditioned. And so we need often to have a coach or a mentor mm-hmm. to just hold the space and to reflect back what’s happening so we can see the awareness of those sabotaging behaviors that are not working for us, so we can embody the unstoppable force that we desire within our business and in our life.

Yvonne: Well, as I say, just call out your bullshit.

Jennifer: Yeah. We all do it.

Yvonne: I got a couple people like that in my life where it’s like, Yvi, what the fuck are you doing? And yes, we an explicit podcast. I will check the box for that. Guys. You all get, you know, if you’re listening to this podcast and do not have children close by.

Jen’s Story

Jen, how, how did you get here?

So what, what was your journey of coming to the now?

Jennifer: Yeah. Oh, I love that question. And I love asking people that question as well.

Yvonne: Yeah. It’s, it’s the best stories. It’s when the little things come out where it’s like you didn’t, what?

Jennifer: Yeah. So for me, before I embarked as a self-sabotage mindset coach, I was a social worker in here, in Australia, working in hospitals, and while there were many amazing things about advocating for people’s rights and being that amplification of people who felt like they didn’t have a voice, I was at the brink of burnout. I was in the emergency department in the mornings cuz I had sort of swapped areas and I was also across, um, several wards as well.

And so I could sort of feel in myself that I knew there was something else for me, but I was so, so, so stuck in fear. You know, having a government job is a really amazing thing, and a lot of people, it’s like the pinnacle of success, you know, having that, uh, security.

Yvonne: I’m assuming that in Australia government job is pretty much similar to Europe, I’m guessing, where it’s like once you reach a certain tenure you are safe.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Yvonne: You got, you got retirement taken care of. You can’t get fired easily. It’s, it’s, The pinnacle or safety when it comes to a job, right?

Jennifer: Exactly. You know, so many people, we all wanna feel safe and secure and when we realize as life goes on, nothing is safe and secure. And so the universe was showing me signs.

I kept you know, I had so much anxiety and doubting myself and, you know, all of the time. And also being a mother of two young boys at that time, I had to leave them at six o’clock in the morning and drop them off to daycare. And I was just, you know, the universe kept attempting to show me little things and I just wasn’t listening.

It was affecting my health. And, you know, and it, and it was in a moment where I just realized, I had to, it was, I had to make a decision. I had to make a choice and I chose me in that decision. And in terms of like how I was on the journey of becoming a coach, I remember sitting in nature and I was looking, you know, and I was, I always feel so good when I’m in nature and grounded and I just feel like I’m back to me, right?

And I’m like, what am I gonna do? And life coaching literally popped in my head. I hadn’t been to a coach and I’m like, yeah, I can use a lot of my knowledge and skill as a social worker. And then obviously I went and did my studies in coaching and then we went into a global pandemic.

Yvonne: Why? We had a global pandemic. I’m trying to forget about that one.

Jennifer: It’s been crazy. Hasn’t it? Just gone? Yeah. And I think it’s shown us the importance of are you living? Oh, my thing came out.

Are you living by your values or by your fear?

Are you living by your values and what’s important to you? Or are you living by fear?

Yvonne: And that is one of the common threats right now, no matter if it’s with my guests here on the podcast, if it’s with my clients, it’s if it’s just in my circles of friends where it’s like the thing that came out of COVID is the whole, why am I doing this and how does it align with my values?

I think it was a really, really big wake up call for people of, I don’t, I think I might even take it so far as this could be over tomorrow. I’m like, we had some really bad COVID cases around in my circles. There were some major wake up calls, but even in, in the lower level where people might not have been quite as affected, it was still a…

You told me for years I have to come into the office and I can’t work from home yet now suddenly when we have a pandemic, you can make it work?

Jennifer: Yes. Isn’t it interesting that anything is possible? And sometimes we can get stuck in businesses in our own mindset that we have to do things a particular way.

Business has to be where you’re sitting down and hustling and doing all this stuff and you’re like, oh my God, why am I, you know, resisting this? Right. There’s so many opportunities that COVID has actually gifted people. I mean, there’s huge debates, you know, obviously. Yeah. Um, but it’s gifted people the opportunity that you can work from home and you can save money on rent. But the thing that a lot of people are missing since COVID is that connection and that community. And when you go into an office, it’s not just to work. Cuz sometimes we think when, when you’re at home and I remember having a conversation with a client and they said, as long as I do the eight hours, and I said, I bet you, you’re gonna be more productive. And even if you do it for half an hour than you are at work. Yeah. Cause when you’re at work, you’re getting phone calls, people are interrupting you. You might. And that’s where we need to look at how business has done, how our work is done. You know, things have changed and evolved so much since the industrial revolution and people want more, right? People want to actually enjoy life. That’s what life’s about, isn’t it? Not to be working for someone else and going, oh my God, I don’t like my job. You can feel those people when you walk in. You know, you want it to feel light and expansive, and when businesses and organizations are doing that, people thrive and people do well. So it’s really about how can we support our team? How can I support myself as a business owner?

Yvonne: And it’s, it’s interesting. I’ve been going through this process myself right now. I’m like, I’ve been working from home, I don’t even know for 10 years now, plus whatever.

Um, but I was also single during COVID and a lot of friends that had family, so we stayed our distance. Don’t get me wrong, dine in, dine in the driveway is nice, fun, but it gets boring with the time when you can’t even hug your best friend, right? So my circle of friends and the people that I actually had physical connection with even just getting a hat was really, really limited because again, taking care of my friends, I had, I have high risk friends where it’s like I’m, I’m not gonna be the one giving you the stuff.

I’m not taking that risk. So being really careful and now coming out of this where I’m like, I’m vaccinated. I’m taking care of everything that I can, but I also cannot keep doing this even though I’ve been working from home for ages. I literally just sign up with a club where, um, a really great membership club here, downtown San Diego, where there’s a restaurant.

I literally can grab my laptop, I can just go there, get my coffee, just sit there, look over San Diego from the 34th floor, but also get the energy of the people around me. Can cults and all the hustle and bustle distract you? Yeah, but right now it actually gets me to focus. I have the hustle and bustle going on in there, and I had a friend of mine who was like, I, I can’t take it.

I’m going to the next room where it’s more quiet and I’m like, I’m staying here because it, it makes me put on the blinders because it is a hustle and bustle. First of all, I get that energy of people around me that you simply don’t get at home by yourself and virtual, but it also, it, it says, okay, I don’t need to hear all of this.

And my brain just shuts everything off and focuses on what the task actually needs to be getting done, rather than being here at home where, oh, I still have two loads of laundry and the dishwasher needs to be taken care of, and, oh, I forgot about to clean the kitchen. Guess what? I’m procrastinating with cleaning the kitchen.

Jennifer: I am, I’m nodding with agreement there. Yes. You, you can’t replicate energy and you can feel that like, I, I feel your energy. Um, but when you are, even when you’re in a coffee shop, I sometimes find when I’m in a coffee shop and I’m like, okay, I’m just just gonna do some content planning, or I’m just gonna do something where I’m in creation mode and I’m like, holly, you know, wow, I just got so much done in such a little amount of time, and we can sabotage ourselves by going, oh, like here in Australia, it’s school holidays for my youngest, sorry, my oldest. So, you know, there’s always lots to do, but it’s also looking at, okay, well what’s the most important thing for me right now that I need to do? That’s, you know, that’s urgent. That’s gonna keep moving my business forward. Um, and there’s always dishes, can I just say. There’s always dishes and you know, it’s like the never ending pile of washing that’s just feels like a mountain. You’re like, I’m sure I just did this. It, it never ends.

It’s one of those things that you think, you know, if you had a Jimmy and you could just make one wish, I think it would be like someone just sort, you know, your washing would just be sorted.

The Cost of Self-sabotage (even in the little things)

Yvonne: And I think that’s, that’s where it comes down to really paying attention to how we react to certain things. Again, my, my procrastination of when I don’t want to do a certain task and even if it’s just a five minute task.

I’m self-sabotaging myself by procrastinating with cleaning up the kitchen because it’s close to me. I live in San Diego. Renting prices here is insane, but I’m happy to pay the sunshine tax, right? So I’m in a fairly small place. I can see my dirty dishes from my desk. Believe me, I’m gonna be freaking procrastinating and self-sabotaging myself by doing the dishes rather than doing the task that I don’t wanna do, but I grab the laptop and I drive those. It’s literally 15 minutes for me. And believe me, I can find days where I talk myself out on that 10, 15 minute drive and I’m like, and you didn’t get anything done. So it’s, it’s funny how, how our brains work and how we might be working around things that we think we don’t wanna do, and then we are feeling really good when we suddenly get them done.

Jennifer: Yes. Oh, it’s so good, isn’t it? Yeah. You keep putting it off. It’s always, it’s always on the list, but it never quite gets done.

Yvonne: And then the anxiety sits in. Yeah. And then the guilt sits in, oh my God.

Jennifer: Yeah. And then you’re like, oh my God, what am I doing? And you’re so right. Some of these tasks, they don’t take a long time.

Yvonne: Nope.

Jennifer: But some of them do take a, you know, a bit more time and it’s really understanding what am I, you know, what is it? And a lot of the time, the reason that we’re avoiding something, or it could be that we dunno how to do a certain task, and that’s such a big element of business is we are expected to know all these different elements and skills, right?

Having a business is a learned skill

And so we’ve gotta just be so kind and compassionate that it’s a learnt skill, having a business. Because you don’t just go, okay, I know how to use, I know how to do marketing. I know how to do podcasting. Um, you have to understand your learning preference. And sometimes, um, I’m very kinesthetic. I, for me, I have to jump in and learn and then go, okay, now I need to, to know the steps I need to know.

So yeah, I think radical compassion for sure, when you are learning new tasks is something that is needed because else you are gonna procrastinate and you’re just gonna keep beating yourself up.

Yvonne: Yeah, guys, let’s not do that though.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Yvonne: I’m saying that because I know how it is when you beat yourself up where I’m like, did I really just do this again?

Yeah, I did. Happens. It’s live. It’s gonna come back around. If you didn’t learn the lesson, it’s gonna come back around. Now, I know we already heard you have two kids and I know your little one, um, even has special needs, right? That’s the, that was the little one. Right? So your business is built around having time for them, being able to be there when they need you. What are, what are some of the processes and workflows that you have in your business that allows you to, to step away, to not leave the house at six o’clock in the morning anymore, but actually we even have breakfast with the kids or take the weekend off to play and go out?

Processes and workflows

What, what? What are those processes and workflows that give you that freedom?

Jennifer: Yeah. I think the first thing is actually knowing your schedule, like in terms of scheduling that for me, and this is something that I have to do because I have to look at the days that my youngest has, um, therapy sessions and things like that.

So for me, it’s sitting down and looking at, you know, the times that I’m available for my coaching, the times I’m available for podcasting, et cetera. So it’s been realistic and also, having a day where you don’t schedule anything as well? No, you don’t schedule and uh, you know, sometimes it’s easy, you know, you’re like, oh, I’ll just, the more that we have time to do something, you know, the more time it will take us.

Yeah, exactly. So for me it’s definitely the processes of having been really clear on the days that I am doing certain tasks. I’m available for clients, et cetera, and having flexibility. So like I got up early to do a call this morning, but that allowed me to later after I speak to you Yvi, I’ll go and be able to spend more time with my son.

You know what I mean? So for me, it’s schedule. It’s really about how I’m utilizing and prioritizing my time and simplifying, simplifying the business. So for me, how I do that is, , when I’m doing my lead gen through, I use Facebook as my lead gen. I use that, do all of that thing. And that’s something that I do every single day and I really have to be very mindful of what’s the most important task.

Am I just, yeah, fucking around and being busy. So for me, in terms of the processes, it’s really been clear about where am I going in my business and my vision cuz some of these tasks, they take time to build. Yep. And that’s what we’ve gotta understand. We’re living in a society that’s expecting instantaneous results and growth and like, even like podcasting, like people, you know, people can see this maybe years down, you know?

They might be watching this from a couple of years in the future. Who knows? So I think it’s really about, for me, the processes as being clear on my calendar and not over complicating it. I simplify it and not have like not having hundreds of things that I’m doing. I simplify it. I simplify the trainings that I provide and I know where I’m spending my time.

So then I can have more time to whatever we are gonna do next. We might go to the library or we might go and do some other things. So it’s been realistic and it’s also been realistic of when I want to, um, do the next intake of clients for my mastermind and when that works. And it’s quite hard during the December, January.

So I do it late January for me. Yeah.

Yvonne: You brought up a really good point. The, uh, the whole task is gonna take as long as we give it, it’s, and I, and I, I still fall into that often enough where it’s like, oh yeah, I need to get this done by this day. I still have time. I still have time. And then suddenly due date rolls around and you are two days late. Yeah. Been there, done that. I might have a little bit of experience with that. Yeah.

The scheduling out and, and the really focusing and simplicity. Yeah. That’s, that’s one of the big efforts that we are doing over here at Ask Yvi before for next year. Really just simplifying. Simplifying and simplifying more. Focusing on the things that work and just making things way more simple.

Um, repeatable.

Jennifer: Yes. Repeatable. Yeah. Like using your content in different ways. If you’ve done videos, can you keep repurposing like, tell people if you’ve done a training, tell people, hey, who wants this free training? You know, have a good hook. So people are like, oh, you know, I can spend so much time doing like, put my soul into content.

And then I spend five. Not even five seconds writing just a, you know, who wants this? And so many people are like, oh yeah, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. You know? So our brain likes to overcomplicate.

Yvonne: Oh God, yes.

Jennifer: That way, it complicates so much.

Yvonne: That’s where, which will lead us perfectly into my next question.

That’s where I love StreamYard, so if you guys been around, you’ve listening and watched for a while. I use StreamYard for the live show because the funny thing is now I, I’m gonna get tech nerdy here a little bit because we gonna ask Jen here in a second about her favorite tools, but specifically with creating content and repurposing content.

Because start out with it. It doesn’t even have to be as long as our podcast here, somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes. Usually it can be something short of a five, 10 minute video. And the nice thing here specifically is not only do I have the recording that Jen and I have with both of us in it, but by the end of this, I’m also gonna have a full screen recording of Jen’s video feed in 1920 by 1080, and a full screen of mine without the overlay and everything, which now means I have what, half an hour full of knowledge, bits and bites and pieces that can be repurposed.

I’m gonna be nice to myself because we don’t have a full on repurposing and microcontent process yet. We do have, however, the video and then into the audio and into the blog post and a couple of social media posts ready for, for this process. But just guys listening, just imagine 30 minutes of content with an amazing guest.

How many pieces of micro content can you pull out of this? And if you have the budget and the team for it, even, even a good VA can jump in and grab those pieces with a tool like Descript or something like that. So keep, keep the simplicity in mind when you are trying to figure out how to reach your audience.

So you lined that one up perfectly. Now I’m lining you up perfectly. We talked about your workflows and processes. We talked about how you got here. What are some of the daily tools you use that help you run your business and not lose your mind?

Jennifer: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I have G-Suite, so that’s where it’s got Google Drive, Google Sheets, um, Google Documents.

I can share so much in there that, you know, Hotmail, um, that is something that I use daily. I’m always, you know, writing notes and things like that. So that is super, super helpful for me and where I am in my business. Um, of course Zoom. So I use Zoom when I’m doing all my podcast interviews, all of my coaching calls, all of the times that I go live.

And Facebook is obliging at the time, and I can do it like that way as well.

Yvonne: Yeah. On Facebook. Yeah. Um, she doesn’t always like us.

Jennifer: So they are probably my favorite. And, and I do like Canva as well when you’re doing different contents, but you can go in a little bit of a wormhole, like quite honestly with Canva and you can get incredibly, it’s so good.

But you know, sometimes there’s so many choices that we, we over-complicate it and business doesn’t need to be like that. And it’s something that I have to catch myself on is, people are paying you for the results that they have. Not just information. Yeah. Sometimes we feel like we’ve gotta do a hundred PDFs and this is what people want.

People join courses and they still don’t get results cuz they don’t have someone pulling them up on their BS. And you know, sometimes that’s what people need. So just if you, are you getting distracted with Canva, like always be whatever tool you do use, just ask yourself like, what’s the purpose of this? Or am I go, am I just faffing around looking at pretty things and I look, I’m very guilty of this so I can talk about it.

Yvonne: We all are.

Jennifer: You know?

Yvonne: Yeah, we all are. It’s like, oh, look at that. That looks nice.

Jennifer: Yeah. And then you’re like, oh, I dunno where my time just went. What have I just done? Ah, nothing.

Yvonne: Sure was gone. Didn’t do nothing. Oh yeah. Oh my God. Yes. So, um, Jen, you have an amazing Facebook group. I’ve heard. So guys, because you’re gonna get that in the link, I gotta let, I got a link for you so you can join Jen’s Facebook group.

Where else can my audience find you?

Jennifer: Yeah, so they can find me on Facebook, Jennifer Parker. Um, you’ll see that I’m a self-sabotage mindset coach, all talking, all about becoming unstoppable. That’s sort of where I really love talking to women about, like that first step of learning to become unstoppable and then embodying that.

So that’s probably a good start. Or they can, you know, I do have a website, um, and that’s https://www.realvisionlifecoaching.com.au, but I’m very active on Facebook. That’s probably the main social media platform that I choose to spend my time on, so that’s probably just find me on there. Or just Real Vision Life Coaching, that’s like my business name.

Yeah.

Yvonne: So there you go guys. So go ahead on out, go find her. Go connect with Jen. Thanks so much for joining me today. That was really fun. And thanks everybody for joining the latest episode of Boss Your Business. I’ll see you in the next.

Jennifer: Bye. Thank you so much. So fun. Thank you.